Immersive theatre vs anxiety

There are two elements to the discussion in this post – how immersive theatre as a medium has helped and had an impact on me, in conjunction with the people who both make and attend immersive theatre. Where possible I will try and keep anonymity on specific names.

So as I said in my ‘open and honest’ post, I have explored different coping mechanisms, therapies, meditations and all sorts until I found what works for me and my anxiety. However, the most surprising technique I found beneficial for me was that of immersive theatre.

I think it almost goes without saying that theatre as a whole has been incredibly helpful for me and my mental health; the escapism it can provide is just one of the reasons. Likewise, you will likely be aware that I have briefly mentioned how one show and cast, in particular, has helped my mental health and have seen me transform from the person I was then to who I am now. However, that is not what I will be talking about in this post because 1) that is not what this post is about and defeats the purpose of me writing this and 2) immersive theatre and the people who make and watch it have had a significantly bigger impact. Think of it as that show and cast are a stepping stone to where I am now, and immersive theatre and the people I’ve met through it are like a giant leap. Okay maybe that analogy didn’t come out as clearly as I thought, but I hope you get some sort of idea as to what I am trying to say.

For the anxiety controlling techniques I tried and tested – therapy, coping mechanisms, meditations and so on… well I actively sought out these methods. Immersive theatre, however? This has helped me and my anxiety vastly – but by complete accident. Never did I wake up one day and think ‘Hey! I’ve not tried immersive theatre to help my anxiety yet! Let’s try that! Oh wow it works, we will keep using this as an anxiety coping technique!’…it wasn’t until after about 4 (I think) shows of ‘For King and Country’ that I realised it was helping my anxiety at all, and it wasn’t until around October that it hit me full force just how much it had helped me and how much I had grown.

The starting point for all of this is how I found immersive theatre, and then the first immersive theatre show I found. I did touch on this my youtube channel which can be found here. I’ve not posted in a while (a story for another day) and watching my videos back does give me first, second and third-hand embarrassment, but they do explain somewhat. And if all else fails, they’re a good laugh to watch.

If you don’t want to watch me enthusiastically talk and gesture for 10 minutes a time, I’ll explain how I found immersive theatre in as brief a way as possible. I am a big fan of ‘The Great Gatsby’. A beautiful novel. One day a younger Leyla was bored and homesick in her room shortly after moving to London. She scrolls through TodayTix. She sees an Immersive Great Gatsby show deal running. She doesn’t think twice and just books. She then realises it says the words ‘immersive’. She realises she has no idea what she has let herself in for and from that moment and until she goes into The Colab Factory for the first time, feels like she will pass out from nerves. Needless to say, her first experience of immersive theatre was a mixture of emotions. Wonder. Overwhelming. Exciting.

Beautiful. Okay, you get the message, I could go on for ages. The point is I had found a medium of theatre I had never known about before and I became OBSESSED. I had discovered the beautiful world of immersive theatre…well…one show anyway. I could not only watch a show of one of my favourite books and time periods…for a few hours, I could LIVE it. So, in true Leyla style…I didn’t just go once, or twice, or three times…(My current show count for ‘Immersive Great Gatsby is staying in my head. You can use your own imagination for that).

This show was a starting point for helping my anxiety. Theatre as a ‘normal’ (for want of a better word) medium can provide as a form of escapism. To just sit and watch a show and forget the outside world and any previous troubles. So to be living a show as opposed to just watching? That took escapism to a whole new level. From the characters interacting with you through 1920’s language to the music, the costumes…all of this combined with the show itself and the suspension of disbelief meant for two hours, I was completely wrapped up in the world of 1920’s West Egg.

Not only this, for someone who is quite self-conscious and..well…anxious, the show gave me a chance to let all that go. Upon my first visit, I gave my own name, was just myself. But upon returning, I saw other people doing this remarkable thing. They’d introduce themselves to me, we would have a chat…then they would introduce themselves as someone entirely different to a character, and take on a whole new persona and character themselves. If they could do it, why couldn’t I? I began to try it out, taking on a character for each trip. Suddenly, when I said something stupid, felt anxious, embarrassed of myself, whatever…it was okay, because it wasn’t me. I could blame it all on the persona I had taken on for the evening! You may laugh and think it sounds lame but this small technique helped me improve my confidence in what was still a rather new theatrical environment. I suddenly could hide behind a character. One day, however, without even thinking about it, I went to Gatsby for who knows what number visit (I have a feeling it was around visit 6), someone asked my name and I – confidently (and that is the keyword here) – gave my own. I remember that show felt different. I wasn’t shy or anxious or feeling like I was saying something stupid all the time that I would beat myself up over for hours after…I was being me, I was happy, I was far more confident than I had been on show one. I was anxiety-free and having fun.

The Immersive Great Gatsby will always hold a special place in my heart. It was the first immersive theatre show I ever went to, it was a beautiful and creative adaptation of one of my favourite books and time periods, it was the first theatre and show I felt at home upon moving into London. Furthermore, the cast were so lovely and friendly, and didn’t seem to mind I kept going back to their show endlessly, nor that I was a little bit strange.

Now shortly into my Great Gatsby obsession, maybe by a few months, I had a notification that an account entitled ‘For King and Country’ had started following me on twitter. I had absolutely no idea what this was so started doing some research. I saw the words ‘Immersive Theatre Show’, ‘1940s’, and ‘The Colab Factory’. I didn’t need to read anymore. I booked (what I think was) their first preview. Which leads us to the second immersive theatre show I saw, and one that always has and always will hold a very big place in my heart.

So after promptly booking the first show of For King and Country, I very quickly realised something: I had only done one immersive theatre show. It was based on a book and time period I knew fairly well. For King and Country was set somewhere in the 1940s and based around world war two. A lot happened in that time. I didn’t have the faintest clue what to expect or what the show would involve. But I did what I do best which is bury my head in the sand and looked forward to the experience, whatever that may be. I

was actually very excited…until I left my house.

Suddenly I was stood outside the other door of the Colab Factory and I had a mild sense of panic that I had no idea what I had let myself in for nor what I was about to experience. But alas we persisted. And I am so glad I did. Now I am sure you don’t need me to recount my first visit of For King and Country yet again…anyone who has ever spoken to me about this show has heard this story I am sure. If you haven’t – I’m sure others would call you lucky, but if you have a burning desire to hear it all, you can watch my video on it here. If you haven’t heard and don’t want to hear that, here is the briefest of the brief rundown on what happened:

Leyla realised immersive theatre can be more than just being able to live through a show like Gatsby. Leyla realised audiences can actively partake in and be involved in the show. Leyla realised audiences can have an impact on the show, make decisions, carry out tasks etc…(see ‘What is Immersive Theatre?’ blogpost).

HOWEVER. Leyla was also feeling very overwhelmed. As long as he had been alive, Leyla’s grandad, and still currently, Leyla’s great uncle, told stories of their own experiences with war. The constant busy and lively atmosphere. The hubbub of activity always happening. The maps covering every bit of wall. The strong patriotism. The feeling of unity between colleagues and friends. The never-ending battle plans, discussions on what would be best for the country, wondering if they would ever see the sun again, if the war would ever be over and they would see their loved ones again. The never-ending hope and refusing to ever let their spirits dampen. You all get the picture.

So when Leyla went downstairs into the Colab Factory basement for the show and saw the maps, the bunting, every piece of set, every costume the cast were wearing, every prop, even the music playing on a record player…Leyla was slightly taken aback. That was before she had even been sent off to do things within the show, so when the debates began, the military plans and proceedings being undertaken, speeches being written…Leyla was feeling emotional, overwhelmed and utterly entranced by everything, in the best way possible.

Now yes I do know the show was likely very different to what it was actually like for my grandad and great uncle and what they experienced…but to be able to go to a show and experience something that is even a tiny bit close was absolutely incredible. To this day, just thinking about it fills me with emotion…and unfortunately for the cast, in that first show, I was so overwhelmed and full of emotion that I literally didn’t say a single word the whole time for fear of bursting into tears…in fact, I remember crying at the end when everyone is all gathered together and you do *that* before *that happens* (no spoilers for those who’ve not been to the show…those who know the show know what bit I am on about)…because it was such a heart-rending moment in the show.

I did so badly want to get involved, and despite me not saying a lot, I did still get so invested in everything that was happening and I did get given things to do (so hats off to the cast for that!), but afterwards I felt so guilty in case they thought it’s because I was hating the show…that couldn’t have been further from the truth if it tried. On the contrary, I thought this show was the best thing in creation and there could never possibly be anything that would ever even match or be better than this.

Needless to say, after the show I did sheepishly apologise and explain this to the cast and they were incredibly lovely, didn’t banish me out of the building never to return and make me feel too ashamed to ever show my face at a show again…and by now I think (hope) they’re used to my strange tendencies and emotional outbursts.

‘But what does this have to do with your anxiety?’ I hear absolutely nobody ask. Well. I shall tell you. See, this was the most freedom I had ever experienced in immersive theatre. The only over immersive theatre show I had been to at this point was The Immersive Great Gatsby, which as I have said – you can just stand to the side and watch if you wish. This was a whole new kettle of fish. Combined with my more limited knowledge – whilst I do have an interest in the 1940s, my knowledge of this time period is less than that of the 1920’s – this led me to having a seriously big feeling of imposter syndrome. I was under the assumption that you had to be a clever cookie for a show like this, and if I tried to help, I would just reveal I am in fact not one of those people and would say or do something stupid, embarrass myself, disappoint everyone, ruin the show and be sent to Antarctica to live with my shame and never be seen again. Okay, maybe that’s slightly melodramatic. But you get the picture.

The more the show progressed, and by seeing how it panned out, how cast members interacted, by getting involved and doing things myself (albeit silently), the more I realised that the cast were (and still are) very good at very quickly establishing how to cater to each audience member. For example, they were good at giving me simple tasks to do that got me included but that even I couldn’t mess up, and telling me things I understood, without making me feel thick. For the person I went with who had more knowledge, they could speak to him with more depth, but without patronising everyone else. The show and the cast ensure no one audience member feels superior or inferior, so my worries about saying or doing something stupid were rapidly decreased.

By the end of the show, I had been left in such amazement and wonder and so emotional that I knew full well that would not be my only trip to For King and Country, despite any anxieties I had. It was a spectacular show and I wouldn’t let a stupid thing like anxiety get in the way. That was the best decision I ever made. Every trip to For King and Country, I tried to push myself more and more out of my comfort zone, and instead of copying what I did at Gatsby and hiding behind a persona, I did it all as me – and it worked! As time went on, the anxiety faded and instead I was excited to see what every show had in store and what I would end up doing. And in true For King and Country style – no two shows were ever the same. This, and talking to the brains behind the show helped me understand just how vast immersive theatre could be and the endless possibilities.

The more trips I had to the show, the less anxious I became. I realised that despite my initial anxieties – lack of knowledge, making myself look or sound like a Pratt, imposter syndrome for immersive theatre…were frankly pointless. A lot of people I spoke to at immersive theatre shows told me they were new to this area of theatre themselves and likewise had no idea what to expect, and those people who I have met that are more familiar with this medium are not only lovely people but are more than happy to share their experiences with me.

Pushing myself to be more outspoken, confident, doing things that are new and exciting all within immersive theatre has done more to help my anxiety than most form of therapies, and this was something I was quite surprised to find. The reasoning behind this is for 2 hours a night, and because it’s me, sometimes up to 3 times a week, I was in a safe space where you could say or do anything (within limits and context of the show) and everyone – cast and fellow audience members – accepted it and just went with it. Despite my initial anxieties, I have never felt like anything I said or did was stupid, never felt inferior to lack of knowledge on a show or time period, have never met anyone who wasn’t patient and happy to explain. The Colab Factory was essentially a safe space where I could practice how to not be anxious. Ironically, when I became more confident, and especially after my work experience and work within shows and I had my own

characters, I started to undertake them in shows, but in a completely different manner. It wasn’t as a way to hide…on the contrary, it was more just to have fun taking on a role – kind of giving myself a chance to do acting within a show, but as an audience member!

The shows, cast and audiences helping my anxiety reduce and improving my own self-confidence became something that I carried into daily life outside of the theatre. If I can be more outspoken, confident and push myself inside the Colab Factory, what is stopping me doing it outside? And as someone within Parabolic Theatre once said to me – if someone says or does something to make you feel anxious/inferior etc…1) ignore them and don’t waste your energy on them…and 2) that says more about them than you. Similarly, someone also said to me…what is actually the worst that can happen? You look like a bit of a Pratt? Odds are people won’t remember that forever (despite me thinking that people will still be thinking about it in 50 years and talking about it at my funeral), and surely it is better to make a pratt of yourself and have fun, than hold yourself back and have a lesser experience as a consequence.

The acceptance, encouragement, kindness I felt from everyone I’ve ever met in immersive theatre – Team Gatsby, Parabolic Theatre, the audience members I’ve met, the friends I’ve made…they all made the world of difference. Just as a starting point, if they didn’t create such a fantastic show, I may not even be where I am now…and if they hadn’t been so patient when I was anxious and getting used to the concept of immersive theatre, so accepting of me and my strange ways, I daresay it is highly likely I would have had a very different experience with the show, returning and everything that happened after. Not only this, without getting into specifics for various reasons, but these same people have impacted me not just regarding my mental health, but believing that anything you set your mind to is possible, teaching me lessons about determination, perseverance, believing in yourself…the list is endless. These wonderful people I am lucky enough to call my friends are as equally responsible for getting me where I am now, as the shows themselves.

Now granted, improvement on my mental health and getting to where I am now was not an overnight transformation and immersive theatre and the people I met through this wasn’t the only thing to help me, but it played a huge part – bigger than I would have ever thought.

It is thanks to the positive experience I had with my trips to the Immersive Great Gatsby that led me to all the wonderful experiences with For King and Country, and in turn, this led to many more equally fantastic experiences. They recommended me shows to see, which only helped expand my immersive theatre knowledge. The more immersive theatre shows I went to, the more I was pushing myself, becoming more confident in myself and my own abilities, was getting more involved and throwing myself in more with every show I went to. What was quite exciting is when I went to ‘see’ (and I use the word see lightly, this was more of a show you experienced) Land of Nod in Croydon; I went alone to an area of London I had never been to before, and the audience were given complete control of their own show – after a short briefing, you were sent off to go wherever you want, talk to who you want and do what you want. By the time I saw this show, I knew my anxiety was improving. I did, of course, feel anxious – especially the first time I went, but I didn’t let my anxiety hold me back. This was a show with a short run so I threw myself into it as much as I could, and I do think the fact that it was a Parabolic Theatre show helped. Prior to For King and Country, I can honestly say that would not have happened.

In fact, I truly do believe that Parabolic Theatre have seen the vastest change in me more than anyone else; they have seen me go from the emotional and anxious silent audience member in the first show of theirs I did, to doing as much as I possibly could – in one show I even took on the position of prime minister – to doing a horror-esque immersive theatre show completely on my own and enthusiastically throwing myself into it (whilst shouting angry things into the abyss for my friend at the same time). It was during this show that I stopped for a minute, mid-show and was in a state of disbelief. I remember thinking to myself – ‘wow…I’m on my own doing an immersive theatre show. I’m doing this. Now THAT is quite something’.

If you had told me on that first trip I ever took to For King and Country, or even on my first trip to the Immersive Great Gatsby, that I would end up doing all of this and coming this far…not forgetting the work experience with For King and Country as well as helping out working in Illicit Signals Bletchley and Crisis? What Crisis? I’d probably have cried with laughter at the thought. Me? Doing an immersive theatre show alone? Me?

Working within an immersive theatre show? Preposterous. Yet I have done that. Which I think only goes to show just how far I have come in conquering my own anxiety, and just how much immersive theatre has helped. It was when I went to the most recent Immersive Theatre show I saw – Crooks: 1926, that I realised something, which may sound insignificant to most but was quite a nice surprise for me. I was headed to the show with a friend (who – fun fact – I actually met through Parabolic Theatre!) and I didn’t have even the slightest twinge of anxiety. The emotionally overwhelmed feeling never really goes away, but I am a ridiculously emotional person and I think all my friends are all too used to that now…!

And that brings us to the end! (Finally, I can practically hear everyone say with a sigh of relief)…I know I say this a fair bit on social media, but it cannot hurt saying it here again, because it is so true. I thank my lucky stars every day that I decided to take a chance on the Immersive Great Gatsby 3 years ago. It led to so many good things, fantastic shows and equally fantastic opportunities. If I had never decided to spontaneously book that, I may never have discovered immersive theatre exists, never have gone to For King and Country or experienced everything else that followed, nor met so many wonderful people. I don’t think I’m being overdramatic (for once), to say that I believe immersive theatre has truly changed my life. A medium of theatre I once knew nothing about, I can now say is an area of theatre I adore with every fibre of my being and I can’t get enough of. Who knows, I may even be considering trying to find a way to permanently work in immersive theatre one day…who knows what the future holds. I just know I’m very grateful I took a chance on Gatsby, and I’m very grateful immersive theatre exists. I wouldn’t be the same without it.

I could easily write an individual blogpost this long about every immersive theatre show I’ve seen, and I’m sure there are still parts within this post I have missed out, but I hope this comes across coherent, gets what I am trying to say across and gives you some idea of how this wonderful medium of theatre has helped me. To everyone who I’ve referenced towards in this post, if you’re reading: thank you.

If you read all of that, consider this your virtual gold star. I’m genuinely impressed.

Much love.